Monday, January 12, 2009

The year, that ze beard started to grow: My most memorable movie purchases

I have been away for a while, but I am back again! This is not my life story, but please, continue:

I think I was between the ages of 8 and 10. I can’t remember the exact age. My dad and I were at the local shopping mall. I always scoped the landscapes of VHS’s on the wall at a shop called Spaceworld. They mostly had family flicks and comedies, but there where some VHS tapes that tickled my yet to be grown beard. But there was one tape, one single tape that popped one hair on my chin, and the beard started to appear.
It was Stephen Kings IT. The cover was amazing, an evil clown who almost seemed like an evil breed of the “coneheads”, because of the shape of his head. Anyways, I was stoked. I yanked on my dads t-shirt sleeve and asked if I could get it. And to my surprise, he said yes! I was a little kid back then, but if I knew the foul language I know now, I probably would have said: “Holy fucking shitfuck”. My dad was ok with me watching horror; I’ll get back to that later. And man, was I excited to get home.

The drive home was long, but the cover art kept me from not going insane. We got home; I got dibs on the VHS player and popped the sucker in! If I could describe the expression on my face, I would, but I can’t describe it in words. Ok! The movie is not THE best ever, but you can imagine a kid at the age of 8, yeah, I think I was 8. Let’s just say I was, watching his first horror movie and falling in love with the genre?
If you are a horror fan, you probably can. And I actually met Tommy Lee Wallace, Michael Myers and the director of IT, at a SCI-FI convention last year. We had a chat about IT, and I told him all about how this was my first horror movie. He then signed some pictures and called me a sick and twisted human being. Or the exact quote was: “And ever since, you have been a sick and twisted human being”. It felt good to hear that from a guy who made you fall in love with the horror genre.

My dad was always ok with me watching horror - my mom hated it. But my dad and I had a good balance going on, we would watch horror movies, and he wasn’t really into horror, while my mom stood by the sofa, complaining: “Du kan ikke la han se slike filmer” – “Joda. Han tar ikke skade av det”. Which translated means: “You can not let him see these movies” – “Come one. It won’t do him any harm.” Which it did. Because according to Tommy Lee Wallace, I am a sick and twisted human being.

But this balance ended one day – the day that I wanted to watch SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.

I was reading a magazine, and was checking out the TV guide. Suddenly when I turned the page, the first thing my eyes caught was a picture of a guy with a mask, with blood on his face. And that was all it took for me to get excited when I was a kid. I ran to my dad - screamed out: “I want to watch this” – “I’m sorry. That movie is too violent. You can’t watch it”. I was mad. Actually, I was fucking mad. Why couldn’t I see this movie; Too violent? That was bullshit. He had let me see a clown with huge yellow teeth bite the arm of a little kid! Too violent? So, I was refused and couldn’t see SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.

This leads me to the very interesting shopping trip with my mother. This was another shopping mall. But it was the same store again, Spaceworld. But this time there was another movie that caught my eyes. The cover had a weird looking alien with an AK47, giving me the finger. I took it as a challenge!
It was the BAD TASTE VHS. I looked on the back of it, and there was a guy eating another guy’s brain with a spoon - “Holy shit. I need this movie” - But then my mind drifted off to the memory of my dad not allowing me to see SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. And this looked even more awful then a guy with a bloody mask. I needed it. It could be the movie of my dreams! I went with my mom to this mall, just to look at the cover, and I almost bought it many times. Just thinking I would hide it under my jacket. But I didn’t dare. I think it was the fifth time that I was there; I decided that it would mine. All mine!

So I hatched a plan only a comic book villain could hatch! The plan was to ride my bike to the mall one day.

So, one day I told my mom and dad I was going for a bike ride. Little did I know that the 10 minute car ride would turn into a 2 hour bike ride? I went to the mall, took down the VHS of BAD TASTE from the shelves on the wall. Then it suddenly struck me; I was 10, but on the cover was a logo for the age limit of 18.

My heart started pumping faster and I was sweating like a pig. Could I really get away with this? Was my plan not planned out as well as I had thought? I went into the store, my hands trembling in fear. I felt sick! My eyes were almost popping out of my head. I slammed the VHS cover on the cashier desk. He took a brief look at me, the money and the VHS. I looked away for a second, and then I heard; Biip! – “That’ll be 100” – Norwegian Kroner that is.
I had it! It was mine! Oh, joy. I took the VHS in my backpack, ran out to get my bike, and went home. I arrived 2 hours after I left. My mother wondered where I had been – “Just around the neighborhood” – I replied.

That day, I got a full-grown beard, at the age of 10.

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