When the Vietnam War raged... In Denmark

Ok, where do I actually start with this one?

I have been following this specific item on ebay, wanting it for days, yurning for it to end so I could win:


HEROES BLOOD!

And as we all know.. Ebay auctions can turn into a battlefield and a brutal carnage of blood, sweat and tears. But never have I seen it been expressed so deeply when I have won the battle.

So obviously, I survived this time, but there was one man who was badly traumatized by this event, as you can see here.

Will he ever recover? Well, if he keeps up with the bargain I'm gonna offer him. If you get me a dvd-r of THE SNAKE QUEEN, I'll get you a dvd-r of HEROES BLOOD. BUT, I don't have the possibilty for it just yet, so you may have to wait a while. Is it a deal?

And by the way, even though you have a mighty fine blog, I didn't find it there. So keep on the good work with your very original blog Mr Jack J.

The Amazing Mr. No Legs Review

Ok. Here goes - This is not a typical review. This is in fact a pretty shitty review. BUT, this is how I wrote it on the first take, while watching the movie. So I thought it would be interesting to have a shitty unconventional review. Why not? Everybody else writes 3 page reviews and makes it so intellegent and give us as much info they can possibly cram up everyones asses. But hey, I'm the Bearded Movie Aficionado. Not New York Times, or O Magazine. Does Oprah write movie reviews? She would probably love The Amazing Mr. No Legs.

I feel like this is becoming a Mr. No legs blog, but I have had so many expectations about this movie. And now I'm finally watching it. I am now sitting in my comfortable chair, a beer in my left hand and a smoke in the right, watching THE AMAZING MR. NO LEGS on an old greek ex-rental VHS on my 40" HDTV. Life is grand! I have to put the computer away, the suspense is killing me!

You know what? This is a shitty movie, but everytime Mr. No legs appear I get so pumped that I forget about all the shitty acting, meaningless dialogue and easy and simple turns in the story.

Mr. No Legs is the most bad ass motherfucker I've ever seen. Hell yeah! Bring on more beer and a no legged man, with shotguns and chinese throwing stars on his wheelchair.

This is not the last time I'll see this amazing flick

This movie needs a sequel. No! It needs several sequals, and a prequel! And a remake, with Chuck Norris as Mr. No Legs.

BRING IT ON MOTHERFUCKERS, CAUSE NO LEGS IS HERE TO GRIND YOUR ASS!

Mahakaal: Pure Indian Horror

It's time to give new life to the Nightmare on Elm Street series. How; you ask? By releasing the Indian rip-off Mahakaal!

Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to see a movie like this?

I first heard about this movie many years ago. And at first I didn’t believe it, but after some research I was addicted to the concept. You could get it on VHS, under the title TIME OF DEATH, which had no subtitles. But this was hard to find and little use without subtitles.

The movie is supposed to be a pure rip-off of A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, copying exact scenes. It also features a musical number every 10 minutes in its 130 minutes run time.

I had almost forgotten about this movie until someone started a thread at AVMANIACS. It got me all psyched again. A couple of cheap Indian DVD releases were mentioned, and I almost bought one. But then on the eve of January 24th someone came with great news (Jack J), that Mondo Macabro, beloved DVD Company, would release MAHAKAAL on DVD.

MAHAKAAL will be a part of the double feature BOLLYWOOD HORROR COLLECTION VOL.3, and is due for release in May. This is the DVD release of the year!

Addiction: In the movie world

You don’t really know who I am, but this is Tales of a Bearded Movie Aficionado, so on occasion I will address my own issues and thoughts about all things movie related.

How do I start this rambling of mine in an interesting way for other people, who aren’t me?

I’m an addict!

When I first began collecting movies I bought the DVD’s, maybe a reprinted poster and a t-shirt every now and then. In the last couple of years it has gotten worse. And don’t get me wrong, I love movies. But all the money it takes to give me what I want isn’t money that I have.

I need the real posters now, the 1sheet poster that goes from everything from amazing $9 bargains to nut cracking $400 robberies. I most love them right? Yeah, I do. But are any of these suckers on the wall yet? No! Actually, they are in my closet, a big pile of everything from 1sheet 60’s horror to 2-3sheets 80’s sci-fi and the bizarre and weird from Asia. I’ve spent so much money on this, and I still haven’t got them up on the wall. One of the reasons is the framing I want. It costs about $300 per poster. Don’t ask.

And so I kept buying rare and fine ass looking posters. Then I found my way to the real movie memorabilia. Screen used props? Yes, you are correct! I bought some Star Wars stuff, got lucky and got some real used Star Wars props from The Empire Strikes Back, from the scenes which were shot here in Norway, which a friend’s dad worked on. And my girlfriend also sponsored me with some cool stuff. Not props, but some kick ass Kenner stuff. She thought it was great gifts after I went crazy at the first Sci-Fi convention ever presented in Norway. I bought some original Kenner toys, and the beast which cost me the most was the Imperial Walker original from Kenner with all stickers, and in the box! Price won’t be mentioned, but it was also a start to a new spending mania! I needed original action figures!

And then you have the people who collect rare and unseen movies on VHS. I buy these items when I get the opportunity, and if it’s not to expensive. But then you have people like Jack J, my pal over at En Lejemorder ser Tilbage (Link under friends), who, and correct me if I’m wrong Jack, who collects VHS tapes of movies he already have on DVD, just because it has a rare or neat looking cover. And I hope you are reading this you Danish bastard, so you can answer for anyone who might be reading. And you can image how much space and money it takes when you have that particular interest.

I’m tired of writing this, so I’ll cut it short. I got into comics again, after many years without them. I bought some Marvel Zombies, Watchmen and some Wolverine stuff. And I told myself that I didn’t need the original comics, single released. Why the hell would I, when most of them are released in Essential collections and the Omnibus series? I and a friend went into a shop with used books and comics. We didn’t go crazy and all apeshit, but we bought some old stuff. And one of the items I bought was the first Watchmen release here in Norway. Not worth anything, probably. But fun items to have. Even thought I just bought the book. My friend also bought some Spanish Captain Marvel. Neither of us knows how you speak or read Spanish. It’s just something that’s fun to collect.

Do any of you, my dear readers; have a collector’s mania you would like to share?

The year, that ze beard started to grow: My most memorable movie purchases

I have been away for a while, but I am back again! This is not my life story, but please, continue:

I think I was between the ages of 8 and 10. I can’t remember the exact age. My dad and I were at the local shopping mall. I always scoped the landscapes of VHS’s on the wall at a shop called Spaceworld. They mostly had family flicks and comedies, but there where some VHS tapes that tickled my yet to be grown beard. But there was one tape, one single tape that popped one hair on my chin, and the beard started to appear.
It was Stephen Kings IT. The cover was amazing, an evil clown who almost seemed like an evil breed of the “coneheads”, because of the shape of his head. Anyways, I was stoked. I yanked on my dads t-shirt sleeve and asked if I could get it. And to my surprise, he said yes! I was a little kid back then, but if I knew the foul language I know now, I probably would have said: “Holy fucking shitfuck”. My dad was ok with me watching horror; I’ll get back to that later. And man, was I excited to get home.

The drive home was long, but the cover art kept me from not going insane. We got home; I got dibs on the VHS player and popped the sucker in! If I could describe the expression on my face, I would, but I can’t describe it in words. Ok! The movie is not THE best ever, but you can imagine a kid at the age of 8, yeah, I think I was 8. Let’s just say I was, watching his first horror movie and falling in love with the genre?
If you are a horror fan, you probably can. And I actually met Tommy Lee Wallace, Michael Myers and the director of IT, at a SCI-FI convention last year. We had a chat about IT, and I told him all about how this was my first horror movie. He then signed some pictures and called me a sick and twisted human being. Or the exact quote was: “And ever since, you have been a sick and twisted human being”. It felt good to hear that from a guy who made you fall in love with the horror genre.

My dad was always ok with me watching horror - my mom hated it. But my dad and I had a good balance going on, we would watch horror movies, and he wasn’t really into horror, while my mom stood by the sofa, complaining: “Du kan ikke la han se slike filmer” – “Joda. Han tar ikke skade av det”. Which translated means: “You can not let him see these movies” – “Come one. It won’t do him any harm.” Which it did. Because according to Tommy Lee Wallace, I am a sick and twisted human being.

But this balance ended one day – the day that I wanted to watch SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.

I was reading a magazine, and was checking out the TV guide. Suddenly when I turned the page, the first thing my eyes caught was a picture of a guy with a mask, with blood on his face. And that was all it took for me to get excited when I was a kid. I ran to my dad - screamed out: “I want to watch this” – “I’m sorry. That movie is too violent. You can’t watch it”. I was mad. Actually, I was fucking mad. Why couldn’t I see this movie; Too violent? That was bullshit. He had let me see a clown with huge yellow teeth bite the arm of a little kid! Too violent? So, I was refused and couldn’t see SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.

This leads me to the very interesting shopping trip with my mother. This was another shopping mall. But it was the same store again, Spaceworld. But this time there was another movie that caught my eyes. The cover had a weird looking alien with an AK47, giving me the finger. I took it as a challenge!
It was the BAD TASTE VHS. I looked on the back of it, and there was a guy eating another guy’s brain with a spoon - “Holy shit. I need this movie” - But then my mind drifted off to the memory of my dad not allowing me to see SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. And this looked even more awful then a guy with a bloody mask. I needed it. It could be the movie of my dreams! I went with my mom to this mall, just to look at the cover, and I almost bought it many times. Just thinking I would hide it under my jacket. But I didn’t dare. I think it was the fifth time that I was there; I decided that it would mine. All mine!

So I hatched a plan only a comic book villain could hatch! The plan was to ride my bike to the mall one day.

So, one day I told my mom and dad I was going for a bike ride. Little did I know that the 10 minute car ride would turn into a 2 hour bike ride? I went to the mall, took down the VHS of BAD TASTE from the shelves on the wall. Then it suddenly struck me; I was 10, but on the cover was a logo for the age limit of 18.

My heart started pumping faster and I was sweating like a pig. Could I really get away with this? Was my plan not planned out as well as I had thought? I went into the store, my hands trembling in fear. I felt sick! My eyes were almost popping out of my head. I slammed the VHS cover on the cashier desk. He took a brief look at me, the money and the VHS. I looked away for a second, and then I heard; Biip! – “That’ll be 100” – Norwegian Kroner that is.
I had it! It was mine! Oh, joy. I took the VHS in my backpack, ran out to get my bike, and went home. I arrived 2 hours after I left. My mother wondered where I had been – “Just around the neighborhood” – I replied.

That day, I got a full-grown beard, at the age of 10.

Lazy, but bearded. Part Deux

I picked up a pack of cigarettes, something to drink and my WATCHMEN comic, and went to work. There has been few things to do at the office lately, so the other day I brought my laptop and a couple of movies. One of them was DJANGO. I usually don't watch movies on my laptop, or at the office, but I figured it was ok to watch some movies instead of dying from boredom. And DJANGO was a whole lot of fun. I had such a good time. It was documented:

Lazy, but bearded!

Ok, so Mr. Jack J over at En Lejemorder ser tilbake (Link under friends) made some complaints about me not posting lately. But followers beware, more is coming soon. I'm working on some stuff as we speak! I have just been lazy over the holidays. Thank you.